The fourth step: overcoming negativity

“Another part of step four is to ask a concise question of your innermost being: “What approach can I use to live my life without a pretense? How does it feel to bring forth better ways of responding to life’s experiences?” In answer to these questions something new will evolve. In this recreating process healthy, resilient, adequate, and truthful reactions will come easily from your real nature, which needs no concealment. When you create, formulate your sentences very concisely. State that what you do does not work, why it does not work, and that you wish to operate in a different way. These statements, if truly meant, have great creative power.

…

Whenever destructive attitudes remain unfaced and untouched, you live in painful ambivalence. For you cannot ever go in one direction when you want to be negative. There is always the real self clamoring for ultimate reality and pulling in the opposite direction. Unification of inner direction can only happen when the personality is truly and genuinely constructive without hidden destructiveness.”

~ Fear No Evil: The Pathwork Method of Transforming The Lower Self by Eva Pierarakos & Donovan Thesenga

There are so many things to love in my life

the way this slanted column of sunlight falls on me–warmth, yes, and also a portend of the cold days to come when the weight of the sun feels like the best thing ever

thinking of the pleasure that awaits me in the stories that I am reading and will return to. Admiring the dexterity with which some of these authors weave their plots and their characters and their feelings on a sentence-to-sentence and word-to-word level

and what about the Japanese bancha green tea? Oh, yes! When I don’t want to make my spice infused, boiled milk concoction, instead desiring something light and yet warm and delicious–the dryness of the bancha, and its low tannic taste hits the right spot! thank you R, for introducing me to it!

oh, and today’s dinner! a combination I hit on years ago, and that just somehow works–aloo-gobhi, the way my mom makes it (today has red amaranth in it as well) paired with quinoa. add in some dahi (yogurt), and oh my, yumminess in my tummy!

receiving today’s texts from hubs: y’day he was feeling off. today, not so much: “I feel so much better today–it starts with feelings… made me see the forest instead of the trees. listened to some songs and to crayon… and nimbleness [felt it today]” Hell, yes.

writing this list–the joy of crafting these feelings into words into sentences into this feeling of satisfaction.

Hell, yes!

thinking about language

today is not the day for profundity.

instead, I will leave you with a word—
exuberance.

do you feel it?
the way “exuberance” reaches across space, and fills up everything around it?

I wonder if every word is like that
with a power to irradiate absolutely whatever it touches?

clouds

Nothing to say, 
Just trying to describe
the row of clouds 
each a solemn island–puffy at top, flat at bottom,
white brushed with silver,
floating in the blue of an early spring sky.

Reminders for Motherhood

“drink your milk!”

“focus!”

“argh! Can you please _____” brush your teeth/wear your clothes/put on the soap/finish your meal

rushing,

rush-ing.

Rush.

Rush. 

Rush,

Hush.

Hush.

Hush.

Come down.

Feel your feet, 

feel the earth.

Feel this moment.

See your heart.